I HAVE MOVED!!
I just want to let everyone know that I have moved - please visit me at MY NEW BLOG (http://www.babyschroeher.blogspot.com) Hope to see you ALL THERE!!!
posted by Nikki at 4:13 PM
27 comments
Friday, June 17, 2005
Monday, December 13, 2004
Back up for Final...
Just adding this here so I can have another place where my final rests - Just INCASE!!!
October, 2001 – The events of September 11th, 2001 still hang in the distance. They are still looking for bodies and the airport is the emptiest it has ever been – you could almost hear a pin drop. There will be no flights leaving Bangor International Airport for the next month or so; however, I am still responsible to be here – just in case passengers have any questions about their flights. I am sick of watching TV – everything is about the “war on terror” – I had been glued to it since the events happened – at home and at work. I need something to release all tension that I have built up; something that I can do to keep my mind of things and to keep tears from streaming down my face when I have to be alone. I am depressed, as many are, I realize I need something other than medication to help me through this – I needed a hobby.
November, 2001 – My friend Nikki is having some kind of party that she wants me to go to. It all sounds expensive and it’s all about crafts and pictures. I hate crafts. Nikki, my friend, has more creativity in her left pinky then I do in my whole body. I was raised to love sports – fishing, basketball, football, baseball and playing in the mud – there was no time for sissy crafts. I decide to go. Anyway, it could be fun – I haven’t seen Nikki in a while and how bad could it be if it involves pictures – I love pictures. Pictures whip you away to another time, a happier time – After all, when was the last time you took a picture when you were having the most horrible moment of your life? Just looking at the pictures made me want to organize them, or do something creative with them – but what? When I arrived at Nikki’s I got my answer. Scrapbooking. The lady that did the class taught us how to cut our pictures – cropping out whatever junk is in the background and focusing on the focal point. Every page in a scrapbook was like a tiny collage – waiting to tell a story. I was ecstatic and when I left that day – I left $200 bucks poorer. I could do this! This was going to be my getaway – This was going to be my salvation from all the sorrow I was facing. This was going to be expensive!!
December, 2002 – Scrapbooking is my thing. When ever people see something that has to do with it – or want to learn – they come to me. Around the airport parts, I am known as the scrapbook queen. I have two pull behind totes filled to the brim with scrapbook supplies and I have all the pens and paper you would ever want or need to fill an album. I am almost finished the album that I started over a year ago – and album on the happiest time of my life; an album consisting of memories, pictures and letters from high school. When I started the album, I knew that it was going to do the job to get me out of the funk I was in. When I would bring it to work, I noticed that other people started to be interested in what I was doing – first Shelagh, then Steve, and then Gary. They would have me tell them stories of what was going on in the pictures – on what kind of a person I was. We all laughed for hours when we started talking about embarrassing moments from the good ol’ days and I realize that my little scrapbook had opened people like nothing else could. I shared my special moments with people – and they shared theirs. When the flights started coming in again, the scrapbooks were put away. I started to do most of my major work at home; however, I would always bring in the completed pages so everyone could see. I started to get a group of friends interested in what I was doing and we would have little scrapbook parties of our own – filled with food and sometimes wine. When the parties had any kind of alcohol added to them, they went a little sour – we would just end up talking about the memories and forget about the pictures. If we decided to do a page – it would end up all crooked and would have to be redone. Those were some of the best days of my life.
October, 2001 – The events of September 11th, 2001 still hang in the distance. They are still looking for bodies and the airport is the emptiest it has ever been – you could almost hear a pin drop. There will be no flights leaving Bangor International Airport for the next month or so; however, I am still responsible to be here – just in case passengers have any questions about their flights. I am sick of watching TV – everything is about the “war on terror” – I had been glued to it since the events happened – at home and at work. I need something to release all tension that I have built up; something that I can do to keep my mind of things and to keep tears from streaming down my face when I have to be alone. I am depressed, as many are, I realize I need something other than medication to help me through this – I needed a hobby.
November, 2001 – My friend Nikki is having some kind of party that she wants me to go to. It all sounds expensive and it’s all about crafts and pictures. I hate crafts. Nikki, my friend, has more creativity in her left pinky then I do in my whole body. I was raised to love sports – fishing, basketball, football, baseball and playing in the mud – there was no time for sissy crafts. I decide to go. Anyway, it could be fun – I haven’t seen Nikki in a while and how bad could it be if it involves pictures – I love pictures. Pictures whip you away to another time, a happier time – After all, when was the last time you took a picture when you were having the most horrible moment of your life? Just looking at the pictures made me want to organize them, or do something creative with them – but what? When I arrived at Nikki’s I got my answer. Scrapbooking. The lady that did the class taught us how to cut our pictures – cropping out whatever junk is in the background and focusing on the focal point. Every page in a scrapbook was like a tiny collage – waiting to tell a story. I was ecstatic and when I left that day – I left $200 bucks poorer. I could do this! This was going to be my getaway – This was going to be my salvation from all the sorrow I was facing. This was going to be expensive!!
December, 2002 – Scrapbooking is my thing. When ever people see something that has to do with it – or want to learn – they come to me. Around the airport parts, I am known as the scrapbook queen. I have two pull behind totes filled to the brim with scrapbook supplies and I have all the pens and paper you would ever want or need to fill an album. I am almost finished the album that I started over a year ago – and album on the happiest time of my life; an album consisting of memories, pictures and letters from high school. When I started the album, I knew that it was going to do the job to get me out of the funk I was in. When I would bring it to work, I noticed that other people started to be interested in what I was doing – first Shelagh, then Steve, and then Gary. They would have me tell them stories of what was going on in the pictures – on what kind of a person I was. We all laughed for hours when we started talking about embarrassing moments from the good ol’ days and I realize that my little scrapbook had opened people like nothing else could. I shared my special moments with people – and they shared theirs. When the flights started coming in again, the scrapbooks were put away. I started to do most of my major work at home; however, I would always bring in the completed pages so everyone could see. I started to get a group of friends interested in what I was doing and we would have little scrapbook parties of our own – filled with food and sometimes wine. When the parties had any kind of alcohol added to them, they went a little sour – we would just end up talking about the memories and forget about the pictures. If we decided to do a page – it would end up all crooked and would have to be redone. Those were some of the best days of my life.
posted by Nikki at 11:36 AM
2 comments
Thursday, December 09, 2004
Admitting is the first step...
So I have to admit...I had a pretty good blog entry on here - but at the last moment, I decided it was a little too personal to post. So - I deleted it. Once again, it is rounding 5 AM and I am still up - writing. I have to say though, I have gotten used to it - and tomorrow I don't have an 11 am class (it's at 1) so hopefully I will manage to get my ass up, out of bed, and on the road in time.
So, I was browsing through napster, I never downloaded the new version after I got really pissed at Metallica for creating such a fuss. I loved the old napster - and I say this after I crashed my last computer with over 5,000 songs - that was before it was illegal to download them for free. So, now I pay for them. $1 seems pretty expensive though - it would be a lot cooler if they were like ten cents a piece - then not as many people would enfringe copyright laws...I'm telling you - I could start a revolution. AND - the artists would get paid and they can quit their whining. This is my opinion now, and like the TV host early in the morning would say - "we welcome yours" - or maybe not.
So, I am sitting here, listening to 90's alternative - bands like Cake, Sponge, Pearl Jam, Better Than Ezra, The Eels and Nirvana - whoa. Brings back a ton of memories. I love it. It has put me in a happier mood - and that is why I think I decided to delete the last post - just because it was deep, maybe too deep - and I think I have gotten past that point in my life and there is no need to drudge it all up again, you know what I mean?
Anyway, listening this much makes me think of simpler days - Days haning out with my friends - going on drives with my best friend Brooke to places unknown - getting lost and then finding our way back again. Wearing flannel shirts with jeans (ripped, comfortable J Crew jeans - 75 dollar jeans that were later stolen in Presque Isle when we went up to play them in basketball - assholes). Ahh...it was during that year that My So Called Life came out - and I am telling you - that was pretty acurate. My mom even enjoyed watching it because she could really relate - and it was something we could watch together (she would say) - I just was in love with Jordan Catalano...he was pretty hot.
This music reminds me of the fun times, the carefree times when all I had to really worry about was getting up in time for my paper route and not wearing the same jeans, or top in the same week. Times of skipping lunch with Brooke going into the architectual drawing class going "online" which was the coolest. Taking photography class and taking pictures of everything (which I still have, I loved photography - maybe I will take it again...someday). Memories of going to my first formal dance and getting all dressed up. Summers spent at my neighborhood park listening to Dave Matthew's song Satellite wondering if maybe, some night, we would see a UFO. I really, truly miss those days. The days when KFC had cornbread and Wendy's had Chicken Caesar pitas...ahhhh. Days when my friends would spend the night and the boys of the neighborhood would come over and knock on the window - we would never sneak out of course - but we would talk to them through the screen, giggling until my parents would yell to us to wind down. They never minded - I think it's beacause they trusted us - and to be honest, there was nothing really not to trust - we were good kids.
So here's to the 90's. And, of course, that music that always brings me back and makes me want to order a green and navy blue flannel from LL Bean...
So, I was browsing through napster, I never downloaded the new version after I got really pissed at Metallica for creating such a fuss. I loved the old napster - and I say this after I crashed my last computer with over 5,000 songs - that was before it was illegal to download them for free. So, now I pay for them. $1 seems pretty expensive though - it would be a lot cooler if they were like ten cents a piece - then not as many people would enfringe copyright laws...I'm telling you - I could start a revolution. AND - the artists would get paid and they can quit their whining. This is my opinion now, and like the TV host early in the morning would say - "we welcome yours" - or maybe not.
So, I am sitting here, listening to 90's alternative - bands like Cake, Sponge, Pearl Jam, Better Than Ezra, The Eels and Nirvana - whoa. Brings back a ton of memories. I love it. It has put me in a happier mood - and that is why I think I decided to delete the last post - just because it was deep, maybe too deep - and I think I have gotten past that point in my life and there is no need to drudge it all up again, you know what I mean?
Anyway, listening this much makes me think of simpler days - Days haning out with my friends - going on drives with my best friend Brooke to places unknown - getting lost and then finding our way back again. Wearing flannel shirts with jeans (ripped, comfortable J Crew jeans - 75 dollar jeans that were later stolen in Presque Isle when we went up to play them in basketball - assholes). Ahh...it was during that year that My So Called Life came out - and I am telling you - that was pretty acurate. My mom even enjoyed watching it because she could really relate - and it was something we could watch together (she would say) - I just was in love with Jordan Catalano...he was pretty hot.
This music reminds me of the fun times, the carefree times when all I had to really worry about was getting up in time for my paper route and not wearing the same jeans, or top in the same week. Times of skipping lunch with Brooke going into the architectual drawing class going "online" which was the coolest. Taking photography class and taking pictures of everything (which I still have, I loved photography - maybe I will take it again...someday). Memories of going to my first formal dance and getting all dressed up. Summers spent at my neighborhood park listening to Dave Matthew's song Satellite wondering if maybe, some night, we would see a UFO. I really, truly miss those days. The days when KFC had cornbread and Wendy's had Chicken Caesar pitas...ahhhh. Days when my friends would spend the night and the boys of the neighborhood would come over and knock on the window - we would never sneak out of course - but we would talk to them through the screen, giggling until my parents would yell to us to wind down. They never minded - I think it's beacause they trusted us - and to be honest, there was nothing really not to trust - we were good kids.
So here's to the 90's. And, of course, that music that always brings me back and makes me want to order a green and navy blue flannel from LL Bean...
posted by Nikki at 4:43 AM
1 comments
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Pissed...
Well, here I am - it's wednesday morning, 11:08 AM and I should be in class. You probably could have guessed that I would have done that since I stayed up until the crack of dawn - I am just mad at myself, that's all. Kevin, clearly hating the alarm clock, shut it off when it went of - twice. I never even heard it. He feels awful, but it's not his fault - I always set a second one because - well - this has happened before and last night, when I finally collapsed into bed around 6 AM I forgot to. I really wanted to be there today, not only because I was excited to get my ISearch back - but because I had actually started to be consistant with this class. Anyway, here I sit - where I was last night - wondering what the hell I can do. I just called my best friend's little sister - she's not going either. AHHHHHHH! What to do, what to do, what to do....
posted by Nikki at 11:08 AM
0 comments
Writing..
Well, it's now almost 5:30 and I am still awake. It appears that I will now only get four hours of sleep which has been scientifically proven that less sleeps means more weight gain. Hmm. No wonder why I am overweight. Well, I just wrote a little more in my ENG162 class, one theme that was "ironic" (I almost broke down the song by Alanis Morrisette - "Isn't it Ironic" but I couldn't really turn it into something that made much sense). I just started thinking about all the things that I am going to get done when I am done with school - My sister's scrapbook, Kevin's mom's picture album, Christmas cards that will obviously be late (better late than never right?) and of course start going to the gym again. I wish I could develop some kind of routine between scrapbooking, school, the gym and work - but it just never happens for me. I have something going and then BAM! Out of nowhere comes an obstacle which for me, isn't just like something I can swerve around. When I approach an obstacle its like having and entire tree in the road and you can't move around it because you can't go forward because there is the tree, you can't move backward because there are cars in back of you, and you can't move side to side because a car just can't move side to side without backing up or going forward. Well, finally (after I smoke my last cigarette of the night, I am serious this time) I shall hit the hay for four hours until I have to get ready for my ENG101 class at 11 AM. So, if I come into class dragging my heals - you will know why :)
posted by Nikki at 5:16 AM
0 comments
A little confused...
So, it really gets me that I am able to update on Blogger - yet I am not able to post any comments on ENG162...It really baffles me. Oh well, I guess I will try to figure it out tomorrow - it is now 3:59 AM and like most nights this week, I have stayed up way past my bedtime. It just seems like homework and catch up work is never ending, and the minute I get something done, and am proud of my accomplishment - I am faced with something else. Hmmm. The life of a procrastinator is revealed. Hopefully, with having two more days off from work this week, I will be able to get a lot more done than I think I will. My I-Search is practically finished (I just believe I have a little revising and more information to include in it) and all my other classes - except ENG162 - is caught up. Now all I have to do is WRITE WRITE WRITE!
posted by Nikki at 3:58 AM
1 comments
I-Search
In hoping that I would be able to obtain some more information, friday after class I took another trip to the Bangor Room at the Bangor Public Library - not only was I going for more information, but I was also going to obtain the references for my works cited page. I not only found all my references and documented them properly - I found some more information.
I found a map of Bangor from 1865 - it was old and had a lot of stains on it - HOWEVER, I found the first recorded person to own the land that I live on today - his name was Charles Dolan. I am unsure if the house that I live in was built by him, however, I did find that Charles Dolan was quite the businessman. He was a grocer, but also owned a saloons which were located on #1 Main Street and the corner of Broad Street and Union (wherever that is). He also owned a residence on Second Street. I am so excited. Finally, some more information I can include in my I-Search to make it more complete.
I found a map of Bangor from 1865 - it was old and had a lot of stains on it - HOWEVER, I found the first recorded person to own the land that I live on today - his name was Charles Dolan. I am unsure if the house that I live in was built by him, however, I did find that Charles Dolan was quite the businessman. He was a grocer, but also owned a saloons which were located on #1 Main Street and the corner of Broad Street and Union (wherever that is). He also owned a residence on Second Street. I am so excited. Finally, some more information I can include in my I-Search to make it more complete.
posted by Nikki at 3:51 AM
0 comments
Monday, December 06, 2004
Course Evaluation
I have to say when I was told I had to take ENG101 again, I wasn't impressed. I had taken ENG 101 through the University of Phoenix only to have it called an elective because it was entitled "College Preparation I". I had also taken ENG 101 at Bangor, Campus and got through with a "C" which, I felt, was completely passing - However, I didn't want this school to see the rest of my grades so I never transfered them. So, here I was, back in ENG 101 - again.
When I got into the class and found out that we were going to be doing online blogs - I was psyched!! I had kept a blog for over two years and I thought that it would be awesome if I could not only write in this one, but also keep up with my older one - It's been three months since I have written an entry that I did not include in this blog...I also though the course assignments were going to be quite easy. I love to write - especially if it is first hand experience - but I found myself runing out of things to say - and when I would find something and I would smile at myself thinking it was increcible - I would get it turned back to me saying it was in the wrong format. I started to get really frustrated quite early in the game - and I almost felt like I should drop the course - take it another time when I wouldn't be so spleeny about a teacher's thoughts of my work...see, as I have said before, I was always praised for my work - until I went to the University of Phoenix and I had a teacher that did nothing but give me hell about my writings. Even though the course was online, I was in tears so much that Kevin told me just to quit. I didn't though, and I thought I would never have to go through it again - However, my teacher left me with some very good advice - He said that sometimes we are our worst critics...that in saying some of the things that he said - I took them the wrong way and that in fact, I could write - However, he advised me that I take a creative writing course. I was pissed.
The I-Search turned out better than I expected...I was up, then I was down, then I was up, then I was down - Now I am up and I hope that I don't go back down. I did interviews, had a dry spell, then I got more information, I was about to pull my hair out, then John Goldfine helped me get more information (well, led me in the right direction) - my research led me to the Bangor Historical Society, The Bangor Museum and www.Ancestry.com - where I got a ton of information! Not only was I able to find birth and death records - I found marriage records and even social security numbers (which was kind of scary - but they were dead). The only thing I didn't find, which I was pretty bummed about was information on Brownie's Market - which, today, because I am bound and determined to find information, I am going to the Bangor Public Library to the Bangor Room to dig my nose into books until I find information. Wish me luck!
Note to self - tell next teacher, if they do not have an attendance policy - tell them to lie to you. When I told the people at work that I didn't have an attendance policy in English - I could never use the excuse - well, I have school - in order not to work. It was crazy. I have to say this whole semester has been crazy - so many changes, so little time. Pulling all nighters writing papers, doing keyboarding homework and memorizing medical terminology. This class has been fun, I am just hopeful that I pass....
Nikki
When I got into the class and found out that we were going to be doing online blogs - I was psyched!! I had kept a blog for over two years and I thought that it would be awesome if I could not only write in this one, but also keep up with my older one - It's been three months since I have written an entry that I did not include in this blog...I also though the course assignments were going to be quite easy. I love to write - especially if it is first hand experience - but I found myself runing out of things to say - and when I would find something and I would smile at myself thinking it was increcible - I would get it turned back to me saying it was in the wrong format. I started to get really frustrated quite early in the game - and I almost felt like I should drop the course - take it another time when I wouldn't be so spleeny about a teacher's thoughts of my work...see, as I have said before, I was always praised for my work - until I went to the University of Phoenix and I had a teacher that did nothing but give me hell about my writings. Even though the course was online, I was in tears so much that Kevin told me just to quit. I didn't though, and I thought I would never have to go through it again - However, my teacher left me with some very good advice - He said that sometimes we are our worst critics...that in saying some of the things that he said - I took them the wrong way and that in fact, I could write - However, he advised me that I take a creative writing course. I was pissed.
The I-Search turned out better than I expected...I was up, then I was down, then I was up, then I was down - Now I am up and I hope that I don't go back down. I did interviews, had a dry spell, then I got more information, I was about to pull my hair out, then John Goldfine helped me get more information (well, led me in the right direction) - my research led me to the Bangor Historical Society, The Bangor Museum and www.Ancestry.com - where I got a ton of information! Not only was I able to find birth and death records - I found marriage records and even social security numbers (which was kind of scary - but they were dead). The only thing I didn't find, which I was pretty bummed about was information on Brownie's Market - which, today, because I am bound and determined to find information, I am going to the Bangor Public Library to the Bangor Room to dig my nose into books until I find information. Wish me luck!
Note to self - tell next teacher, if they do not have an attendance policy - tell them to lie to you. When I told the people at work that I didn't have an attendance policy in English - I could never use the excuse - well, I have school - in order not to work. It was crazy. I have to say this whole semester has been crazy - so many changes, so little time. Pulling all nighters writing papers, doing keyboarding homework and memorizing medical terminology. This class has been fun, I am just hopeful that I pass....
Nikki
posted by Nikki at 11:07 AM
1 comments
Friday, December 03, 2004
Contrast Essay
I am currently reading a book entitled The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom and it has really gotten me to think about my life and the people that have entwined into it. There are many people that come and go in your life that have impacted it more than you may be aware of. Although I have not finished the book yet – it has really gotten me thinking about not only the people that I may have impacted through my 25 years on earth – but the people that have impacted me. I could go on and on how my parents, grandparents and best friends have directly impacted my life – but to narrow it down, I can think of two people that have directly affected my life and made me the person that I am today: My husband, Kevin and my ex-boyfriend who I will call Tim.
I met Tim the summer before my senior year and it was infatuation from the beginning. It was strange because I had never felt the way I had felt when I was with him – and I had never spent as much time with a guy as I had with Tim. I was so into Tim that I thought maybe I could change him – maybe he would stop doing the drugs that he did and stop doing some of the illegal stuff he did as well if I was a bigger part of his life. My friends would tell me that he did not date me exclusively – but I would just assure them that they were getting the wrong information. I poured everything I had into him, and he gave me little in return. He constantly told me that I didn’t have high enough goals in life – that I was going to be a failure. He was right – the only goal I really had was for him to love me I wanted him to. This really didn’t make him a bad person - he was, of course, a teenage boy who, at the time, wasn’t really interested in maintaining a serious relationship but more interested in himself and what was going on in his life. After dating for over three years, two of those long distantly, he broke up with after he graduated from prep school on our ten hour trip back home to Maine. I was mortified and confused. I felt like I had done so much to keep us going, and I was a failure because – as he told me – he never “really was in love with me – he just didn’t want to break up with me because he thought he would hurt me…” Looking back on it – I would have been a lot better off if he had ended it long, long ago. I lost a part of me that day we broke up that I will never get back. I guess I don’t really know exactly what it was; I just know that a part of me died that day. I just didn’t understand why God would punish me for loving and caring for someone so much – that he would make me feel so dead inside. What did I do wrong? What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I be, or become the person Tim wanted me to be. Little did I know that I was learning a very important lesson in life – I had to love myself before I could love anyone else.
I met Kevin in April of 2000 at the airport where I worked. I had a boyfriend (Tim) and he had a girlfriend. We became instant friends when we both found out that we both had a strong love for basketball – I knew at that moment that there was something very special about Kevin – I just couldn’t put my finger on it. When Tim and I broke up in May of 2000, Kevin stopped coming to the airport. I didn’t think much about it, and I dated here and there always wondering where Kevin was. Finally, in the fall of 2000, I saw him again. We decided to make plans to hang out and get to know each other. I knew that he had no interest in me really as a girlfriend because a mutual friend had told me that he detested smoking. There was no way I was going to give up anything for a guy again – so I decided at that moment that Kevin would be just a fun friend. I wasn’t going to put any time into anything because, as my friend had said, it probably wouldn’t work out between us. Kevin and I started hanging out, and some nights, I would drive to Wal-Mart where he worked overnights to visit him. Sure, after a while I was very interested in him – but he was so much unlike any guy I had ever met. He was sweet, generous, funny, and kind. He would always comment that I was a lot of fun to hang out with, which made me feel important. One night – me, Kevin and a couple of mutual friends went to Denny’s to have a midnight meal – Kevin whipped out some tickets and asked me if I wanted to go to a hockey game. “Sure,” I commented. “I think that would be fun for all of us…” “Weeeeellll,” he staggered, “I only have two tickets and I want you to go with me.” I blushed. Was Kevin asking me out on a date? This was the best moment of my life. For once, I felt like I was the center of a guy’s attention and I really didn’t have to try to get it. He seemed to like me for whom I was – and that made me feel incredible. Finally I had met someone that I felt I didn’t have to try so hard to make them like me. He made me feel that I didn’t have to change anything about myself – my weight, my clothing, my friends, my job or my way of life. He, unknowing at the time, was giving me the freedom to love myself. However, after dating someone like Tim for so long – I didn’t know how to react to this attention. Our relationship suffered for the first year – but Kevin stuck through. He eventually asked me to marry him – and told me that I was the best thing that could ever happen to him. I thought he was crazy, after all I just couldn’t appreciate the way he treated me – especially after I had gone so long being ignored.
Neither Tim, nor Kevin had it completely right – or wrong. In the early stages of Kevin and my relationship I tried to push him away – almost like Tim did to me. It seemed that the shoe had been placed on the other foot, so to speak. Sometimes I would find myself saying things to Kevin that Tim had said to me so many times – hurtful things. I spent too much time wondering what I had done wrong in my past relationship and not enough time paying attention what was going on in my current one. I finally decided to tell Kevin why I acted the way I did. I told him everything – the pain, the suffering; the good times and the bad. I dwelled too much on the bad things that happened in my relationship with Tim, and couldn’t – for the life of me – remember a time when we were happy. I felt like I had wasted three years of my life on someone that had no effect on my life. Finally a friend put things into perspective – don’t think about anything you did in your life as a waste – but as a lesson to help you move further into life. These horrible things that happen in your life will make you the person you are to become. Sometimes you can take the things you learn, and help someone else that is in a similar situation. I decided to try to stop living my life in the past – and dwell on the things that I did or didn’t do – and lift my head towards the future. The future was brighter and bigger than I ever could have expected.
I am eager to finish the book – The Five People You Meet in Heaven – to see if Eddie, the main character, ever discovers in his travels through heaven the things that I have discovered in writing a simple essay. There are people who come and go in your life – and what people need to do is understand that there is a lesson to learn from every person that enters into their world. It could be as simple as talking to a friend or as difficult as going through a bad relationship. As my grandmother always said – When god closes a door, he opens a window. Maybe someday I will finally peer though that window and find what is offered on the other side.
I met Tim the summer before my senior year and it was infatuation from the beginning. It was strange because I had never felt the way I had felt when I was with him – and I had never spent as much time with a guy as I had with Tim. I was so into Tim that I thought maybe I could change him – maybe he would stop doing the drugs that he did and stop doing some of the illegal stuff he did as well if I was a bigger part of his life. My friends would tell me that he did not date me exclusively – but I would just assure them that they were getting the wrong information. I poured everything I had into him, and he gave me little in return. He constantly told me that I didn’t have high enough goals in life – that I was going to be a failure. He was right – the only goal I really had was for him to love me I wanted him to. This really didn’t make him a bad person - he was, of course, a teenage boy who, at the time, wasn’t really interested in maintaining a serious relationship but more interested in himself and what was going on in his life. After dating for over three years, two of those long distantly, he broke up with after he graduated from prep school on our ten hour trip back home to Maine. I was mortified and confused. I felt like I had done so much to keep us going, and I was a failure because – as he told me – he never “really was in love with me – he just didn’t want to break up with me because he thought he would hurt me…” Looking back on it – I would have been a lot better off if he had ended it long, long ago. I lost a part of me that day we broke up that I will never get back. I guess I don’t really know exactly what it was; I just know that a part of me died that day. I just didn’t understand why God would punish me for loving and caring for someone so much – that he would make me feel so dead inside. What did I do wrong? What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I be, or become the person Tim wanted me to be. Little did I know that I was learning a very important lesson in life – I had to love myself before I could love anyone else.
I met Kevin in April of 2000 at the airport where I worked. I had a boyfriend (Tim) and he had a girlfriend. We became instant friends when we both found out that we both had a strong love for basketball – I knew at that moment that there was something very special about Kevin – I just couldn’t put my finger on it. When Tim and I broke up in May of 2000, Kevin stopped coming to the airport. I didn’t think much about it, and I dated here and there always wondering where Kevin was. Finally, in the fall of 2000, I saw him again. We decided to make plans to hang out and get to know each other. I knew that he had no interest in me really as a girlfriend because a mutual friend had told me that he detested smoking. There was no way I was going to give up anything for a guy again – so I decided at that moment that Kevin would be just a fun friend. I wasn’t going to put any time into anything because, as my friend had said, it probably wouldn’t work out between us. Kevin and I started hanging out, and some nights, I would drive to Wal-Mart where he worked overnights to visit him. Sure, after a while I was very interested in him – but he was so much unlike any guy I had ever met. He was sweet, generous, funny, and kind. He would always comment that I was a lot of fun to hang out with, which made me feel important. One night – me, Kevin and a couple of mutual friends went to Denny’s to have a midnight meal – Kevin whipped out some tickets and asked me if I wanted to go to a hockey game. “Sure,” I commented. “I think that would be fun for all of us…” “Weeeeellll,” he staggered, “I only have two tickets and I want you to go with me.” I blushed. Was Kevin asking me out on a date? This was the best moment of my life. For once, I felt like I was the center of a guy’s attention and I really didn’t have to try to get it. He seemed to like me for whom I was – and that made me feel incredible. Finally I had met someone that I felt I didn’t have to try so hard to make them like me. He made me feel that I didn’t have to change anything about myself – my weight, my clothing, my friends, my job or my way of life. He, unknowing at the time, was giving me the freedom to love myself. However, after dating someone like Tim for so long – I didn’t know how to react to this attention. Our relationship suffered for the first year – but Kevin stuck through. He eventually asked me to marry him – and told me that I was the best thing that could ever happen to him. I thought he was crazy, after all I just couldn’t appreciate the way he treated me – especially after I had gone so long being ignored.
Neither Tim, nor Kevin had it completely right – or wrong. In the early stages of Kevin and my relationship I tried to push him away – almost like Tim did to me. It seemed that the shoe had been placed on the other foot, so to speak. Sometimes I would find myself saying things to Kevin that Tim had said to me so many times – hurtful things. I spent too much time wondering what I had done wrong in my past relationship and not enough time paying attention what was going on in my current one. I finally decided to tell Kevin why I acted the way I did. I told him everything – the pain, the suffering; the good times and the bad. I dwelled too much on the bad things that happened in my relationship with Tim, and couldn’t – for the life of me – remember a time when we were happy. I felt like I had wasted three years of my life on someone that had no effect on my life. Finally a friend put things into perspective – don’t think about anything you did in your life as a waste – but as a lesson to help you move further into life. These horrible things that happen in your life will make you the person you are to become. Sometimes you can take the things you learn, and help someone else that is in a similar situation. I decided to try to stop living my life in the past – and dwell on the things that I did or didn’t do – and lift my head towards the future. The future was brighter and bigger than I ever could have expected.
I am eager to finish the book – The Five People You Meet in Heaven – to see if Eddie, the main character, ever discovers in his travels through heaven the things that I have discovered in writing a simple essay. There are people who come and go in your life – and what people need to do is understand that there is a lesson to learn from every person that enters into their world. It could be as simple as talking to a friend or as difficult as going through a bad relationship. As my grandmother always said – When god closes a door, he opens a window. Maybe someday I will finally peer though that window and find what is offered on the other side.
posted by Nikki at 11:08 AM
0 comments
Contrast Essay
I am currently reading a book entitled The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom and it has really gotten me to think about my life and the people that have entwined into it. There are many people that come and go in your life that have impacted it more than you may be aware of. Although I have not finished the book yet – it has really gotten me thinking about not only the people that I may have impacted through my 25 years on earth – but the people that have impacted me. I could go on and on how my parents, grandparents and best friends have directly impacted my life – but to narrow it down, I can think of two people that have directly affected my life and made me the person that I am today: My husband, Kevin and my ex-boyfriend who I will call Tim.
I met Tim the summer before my senior year and it was infatuation from the beginning. It was strange because I had never felt the way I had felt when I was with him – and I had never spent as much time with a guy as I had with Tim. I was so into Tim that I thought maybe I could change him – maybe he would stop doing the drugs that he did and stop doing some of the illegal stuff he did as well if I was a bigger part of his life. My friends would tell me that he did not date me exclusively – but I would just assure them that they were getting the wrong information. I poured everything I had into him, and he gave me little in return. He constantly told me that I didn’t have high enough goals in life – that I was going to be a failure. He was right – the only goal I really had was for him to love me I wanted him to. This really didn’t make him a bad person - he was, of course, a teenage boy who, at the time, wasn’t really interested in maintaining a serious relationship but more interested in himself and what was going on in his life. After dating for over three years, two of those long distantly, he broke up with after he graduated from prep school on our ten hour trip back home to Maine. I was mortified and confused. I felt like I had done so much to keep us going, and I was a failure because – as he told me – he never “really was in love with me – he just didn’t want to break up with me because he thought he would hurt me…” Looking back on it – I would have been a lot better off if he had ended it long, long ago. I lost a part of me that day we broke up that I will never get back. I guess I don’t really know exactly what it was; I just know that a part of me died that day. I just didn’t understand why God would punish me for loving and caring for someone so much – that he would make me feel so dead inside. What did I do wrong? What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I be, or become the person Tim wanted me to be. Little did I know that I was learning a very important lesson in life – I had to love myself before I could love anyone else.
I met Kevin in April of 2000 at the airport where I worked. I had a boyfriend (Tim) and he had a girlfriend. We became instant friends when we both found out that we both had a strong love for basketball – I knew at that moment that there was something very special about Kevin – I just couldn’t put my finger on it. When Tim and I broke up in May of 2000, Kevin stopped coming to the airport. I didn’t think much about it, and I dated here and there always wondering where Kevin was. Finally, in the fall of 2000, I saw him again. We decided to make plans to hang out and get to know each other. I knew that he had no interest in me really as a girlfriend because a mutual friend had told me that he detested smoking. There was no way I was going to give up anything for a guy again – so I decided at that moment that Kevin would be just a fun friend. I wasn’t going to put any time into anything because, as my friend had said, it probably wouldn’t work out between us. Kevin and I started hanging out, and some nights, I would drive to Wal-Mart where he worked overnights to visit him. Sure, after a while I was very interested in him – but he was so much unlike any guy I had ever met. He was sweet, generous, funny, and kind. He would always comment that I was a lot of fun to hang out with, which made me feel important. One night – me, Kevin and a couple of mutual friends went to Denny’s to have a midnight meal – Kevin whipped out some tickets and asked me if I wanted to go to a hockey game. “Sure,” I commented. “I think that would be fun for all of us…” “Weeeeellll,” he staggered, “I only have two tickets and I want you to go with me.” I blushed. Was Kevin asking me out on a date? This was the best moment of my life. For once, I felt like I was the center of a guy’s attention and I really didn’t have to try to get it. He seemed to like me for whom I was – and that made me feel incredible. Finally I had met someone that I felt I didn’t have to try so hard to make them like me. He made me feel that I didn’t have to change anything about myself – my weight, my clothing, my friends, my job or my way of life. He, unknowing at the time, was giving me the freedom to love myself. However, after dating someone like Tim for so long – I didn’t know how to react to this attention. Our relationship suffered for the first year – but Kevin stuck through. He eventually asked me to marry him – and told me that I was the best thing that could ever happen to him. I thought he was crazy, after all I just couldn’t appreciate the way he treated me – especially after I had gone so long being ignored.
Neither Tim, nor Kevin had it completely right – or wrong. In the early stages of Kevin and my relationship I tried to push him away – almost like Tim did to me. It seemed that the shoe had been placed on the other foot, so to speak. Sometimes I would find myself saying things to Kevin that Tim had said to me so many times – hurtful things. I spent too much time wondering what I had done wrong in my past relationship and not enough time paying attention what was going on in my current one. I finally decided to tell Kevin why I acted the way I did. I told him everything – the pain, the suffering; the good times and the bad. I dwelled too much on the bad things that happened in my relationship with Tim, and couldn’t – for the life of me – remember a time when we were happy. I felt like I had wasted three years of my life on someone that had no effect on my life. Finally a friend put things into perspective – don’t think about anything you did in your life as a waste – but as a lesson to help you move further into life. These horrible things that happen in your life will make you the person you are to become. Sometimes you can take the things you learn, and help someone else that is in a similar situation. I decided to try to stop living my life in the past – and dwell on the things that I did or didn’t do – and lift my head towards the future. The future was brighter and bigger than I ever could have expected.
I am eager to finish the book – The Five People You Meet in Heaven – to see if Eddie, the main character, ever discovers in his travels through heaven the things that I have discovered in writing a simple essay. There are people who come and go in your life – and what people need to do is understand that there is a lesson to learn from every person that enters into their world. It could be as simple as talking to a friend or as difficult as going through a bad relationship. As my grandmother always said – When god closes a door, he opens a window. Maybe someday I will finally peer though that window and find what is offered on the other side.
I met Tim the summer before my senior year and it was infatuation from the beginning. It was strange because I had never felt the way I had felt when I was with him – and I had never spent as much time with a guy as I had with Tim. I was so into Tim that I thought maybe I could change him – maybe he would stop doing the drugs that he did and stop doing some of the illegal stuff he did as well if I was a bigger part of his life. My friends would tell me that he did not date me exclusively – but I would just assure them that they were getting the wrong information. I poured everything I had into him, and he gave me little in return. He constantly told me that I didn’t have high enough goals in life – that I was going to be a failure. He was right – the only goal I really had was for him to love me I wanted him to. This really didn’t make him a bad person - he was, of course, a teenage boy who, at the time, wasn’t really interested in maintaining a serious relationship but more interested in himself and what was going on in his life. After dating for over three years, two of those long distantly, he broke up with after he graduated from prep school on our ten hour trip back home to Maine. I was mortified and confused. I felt like I had done so much to keep us going, and I was a failure because – as he told me – he never “really was in love with me – he just didn’t want to break up with me because he thought he would hurt me…” Looking back on it – I would have been a lot better off if he had ended it long, long ago. I lost a part of me that day we broke up that I will never get back. I guess I don’t really know exactly what it was; I just know that a part of me died that day. I just didn’t understand why God would punish me for loving and caring for someone so much – that he would make me feel so dead inside. What did I do wrong? What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I be, or become the person Tim wanted me to be. Little did I know that I was learning a very important lesson in life – I had to love myself before I could love anyone else.
I met Kevin in April of 2000 at the airport where I worked. I had a boyfriend (Tim) and he had a girlfriend. We became instant friends when we both found out that we both had a strong love for basketball – I knew at that moment that there was something very special about Kevin – I just couldn’t put my finger on it. When Tim and I broke up in May of 2000, Kevin stopped coming to the airport. I didn’t think much about it, and I dated here and there always wondering where Kevin was. Finally, in the fall of 2000, I saw him again. We decided to make plans to hang out and get to know each other. I knew that he had no interest in me really as a girlfriend because a mutual friend had told me that he detested smoking. There was no way I was going to give up anything for a guy again – so I decided at that moment that Kevin would be just a fun friend. I wasn’t going to put any time into anything because, as my friend had said, it probably wouldn’t work out between us. Kevin and I started hanging out, and some nights, I would drive to Wal-Mart where he worked overnights to visit him. Sure, after a while I was very interested in him – but he was so much unlike any guy I had ever met. He was sweet, generous, funny, and kind. He would always comment that I was a lot of fun to hang out with, which made me feel important. One night – me, Kevin and a couple of mutual friends went to Denny’s to have a midnight meal – Kevin whipped out some tickets and asked me if I wanted to go to a hockey game. “Sure,” I commented. “I think that would be fun for all of us…” “Weeeeellll,” he staggered, “I only have two tickets and I want you to go with me.” I blushed. Was Kevin asking me out on a date? This was the best moment of my life. For once, I felt like I was the center of a guy’s attention and I really didn’t have to try to get it. He seemed to like me for whom I was – and that made me feel incredible. Finally I had met someone that I felt I didn’t have to try so hard to make them like me. He made me feel that I didn’t have to change anything about myself – my weight, my clothing, my friends, my job or my way of life. He, unknowing at the time, was giving me the freedom to love myself. However, after dating someone like Tim for so long – I didn’t know how to react to this attention. Our relationship suffered for the first year – but Kevin stuck through. He eventually asked me to marry him – and told me that I was the best thing that could ever happen to him. I thought he was crazy, after all I just couldn’t appreciate the way he treated me – especially after I had gone so long being ignored.
Neither Tim, nor Kevin had it completely right – or wrong. In the early stages of Kevin and my relationship I tried to push him away – almost like Tim did to me. It seemed that the shoe had been placed on the other foot, so to speak. Sometimes I would find myself saying things to Kevin that Tim had said to me so many times – hurtful things. I spent too much time wondering what I had done wrong in my past relationship and not enough time paying attention what was going on in my current one. I finally decided to tell Kevin why I acted the way I did. I told him everything – the pain, the suffering; the good times and the bad. I dwelled too much on the bad things that happened in my relationship with Tim, and couldn’t – for the life of me – remember a time when we were happy. I felt like I had wasted three years of my life on someone that had no effect on my life. Finally a friend put things into perspective – don’t think about anything you did in your life as a waste – but as a lesson to help you move further into life. These horrible things that happen in your life will make you the person you are to become. Sometimes you can take the things you learn, and help someone else that is in a similar situation. I decided to try to stop living my life in the past – and dwell on the things that I did or didn’t do – and lift my head towards the future. The future was brighter and bigger than I ever could have expected.
I am eager to finish the book – The Five People You Meet in Heaven – to see if Eddie, the main character, ever discovers in his travels through heaven the things that I have discovered in writing a simple essay. There are people who come and go in your life – and what people need to do is understand that there is a lesson to learn from every person that enters into their world. It could be as simple as talking to a friend or as difficult as going through a bad relationship. As my grandmother always said – When god closes a door, he opens a window. Maybe someday I will finally peer though that window and find what is offered on the other side.
posted by Nikki at 1:47 AM
0 comments
Contrast Essay
I am currently reading a book entitled The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom and it has really gotten me to think about my life and the people that have entwined into it. There are many people that come and go in your life that have impacted it more than you may be aware of. Although I have not finished the book yet – it has really gotten me thinking about not only the people that I may have impacted through my 25 years on earth – but the people that have impacted me. I could go on and on how my parents, grandparents and best friends have directly impacted my life – but to narrow it down, I can think of two people that have directly affected my life and made me the person that I am today: My husband, Kevin and my ex-boyfriend who I will call Tim.
I met Tim the summer before my senior year and it was infatuation from the beginning. It was strange because I had never felt the way I had felt when I was with him – and I had never spent as much time with a guy as I had with Tim. I was so into Tim that I thought maybe I could change him – maybe he would stop doing the drugs that he did and stop doing some of the illegal stuff he did as well if I was a bigger part of his life. My friends would tell me that he did not date me exclusively – but I would just assure them that they were getting the wrong information. I poured everything I had into him, and he gave me little in return. He constantly told me that I didn’t have high enough goals in life – that I was going to be a failure. He was right – the only goal I really had was for him to love me I wanted him to. This really didn’t make him a bad person - he was, of course, a teenage boy who, at the time, wasn’t really interested in maintaining a serious relationship but more interested in himself and what was going on in his life. After dating for over three years, two of those long distantly, he broke up with after he graduated from prep school on our ten hour trip back home to Maine. I was mortified and confused. I felt like I had done so much to keep us going, and I was a failure because – as he told me – he never “really was in love with me – he just didn’t want to break up with me because he thought he would hurt me…” Looking back on it – I would have been a lot better off if he had ended it long, long ago. I lost a part of me that day we broke up that I will never get back. I guess I don’t really know exactly what it was; I just know that a part of me died that day. I just didn’t understand why God would punish me for loving and caring for someone so much – that he would make me feel so dead inside. What did I do wrong? What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I be, or become the person Tim wanted me to be. Little did I know that I was learning a very important lesson in life – I had to love myself before I could love anyone else.
I met Kevin in April of 2000 at the airport where I worked. I had a boyfriend (Tim) and he had a girlfriend. We became instant friends when we both found out that we both had a strong love for basketball – I knew at that moment that there was something very special about Kevin – I just couldn’t put my finger on it. When Tim and I broke up in May of 2000, Kevin stopped coming to the airport. I didn’t think much about it, and I dated here and there always wondering where Kevin was. Finally, in the fall of 2000, I saw him again. We decided to make plans to hang out and get to know each other. I knew that he had no interest in me really as a girlfriend because a mutual friend had told me that he detested smoking. There was no way I was going to give up anything for a guy again – so I decided at that moment that Kevin would be just a fun friend. I wasn’t going to put any time into anything because, as my friend had said, it probably wouldn’t work out between us. Kevin and I started hanging out, and some nights, I would drive to Wal-Mart where he worked overnights to visit him. Sure, after a while I was very interested in him – but he was so much unlike any guy I had ever met. He was sweet, generous, funny, and kind. He would always comment that I was a lot of fun to hang out with, which made me feel important. One night – me, Kevin and a couple of mutual friends went to Denny’s to have a midnight meal – Kevin whipped out some tickets and asked me if I wanted to go to a hockey game. “Sure,” I commented. “I think that would be fun for all of us…” “Weeeeellll,” he staggered, “I only have two tickets and I want you to go with me.” I blushed. Was Kevin asking me out on a date? This was the best moment of my life. For once, I felt like I was the center of a guy’s attention and I really didn’t have to try to get it. He seemed to like me for whom I was – and that made me feel incredible. Finally I had met someone that I felt I didn’t have to try so hard to make them like me. He made me feel that I didn’t have to change anything about myself – my weight, my clothing, my friends, my job or my way of life. He, unknowing at the time, was giving me the freedom to love myself. However, after dating someone like Tim for so long – I didn’t know how to react to this attention. Our relationship suffered for the first year – but Kevin stuck through. He eventually asked me to marry him – and told me that I was the best thing that could ever happen to him. I thought he was crazy, after all I just couldn’t appreciate the way he treated me – especially after I had gone so long being ignored.
Neither Tim, nor Kevin had it completely right – or wrong. In the early stages of Kevin and my relationship I tried to push him away – almost like Tim did to me. It seemed that the shoe had been placed on the other foot, so to speak. Sometimes I would find myself saying things to Kevin that Tim had said to me so many times – hurtful things. I spent too much time wondering what I had done wrong in my past relationship and not enough time paying attention what was going on in my current one. I finally decided to tell Kevin why I acted the way I did. I told him everything – the pain, the suffering; the good times and the bad. I dwelled too much on the bad things that happened in my relationship with Tim, and couldn’t – for the life of me – remember a time when we were happy. I felt like I had wasted three years of my life on someone that had no effect on my life. Finally a friend put things into perspective – don’t think about anything you did in your life as a waste – but as a lesson to help you move further into life. These horrible things that happen in your life will make you the person you are to become. Sometimes you can take the things you learn, and help someone else that is in a similar situation. I decided to try to stop living my life in the past – and dwell on the things that I did or didn’t do – and lift my head towards the future. The future was brighter and bigger than I ever could have expected.
I am eager to finish the book – The Five People You Meet in Heaven – to see if Eddie, the main character, ever discovers in his travels through heaven the things that I have discovered in writing a simple essay. There are people who come and go in your life – and what people need to do is understand that there is a lesson to learn from every person that enters into their world. It could be as simple as talking to a friend or as difficult as going through a bad relationship. As my grandmother always said – When god closes a door, he opens a window. Maybe someday I will finally peer though that window and find what is offered on the other side.
I met Tim the summer before my senior year and it was infatuation from the beginning. It was strange because I had never felt the way I had felt when I was with him – and I had never spent as much time with a guy as I had with Tim. I was so into Tim that I thought maybe I could change him – maybe he would stop doing the drugs that he did and stop doing some of the illegal stuff he did as well if I was a bigger part of his life. My friends would tell me that he did not date me exclusively – but I would just assure them that they were getting the wrong information. I poured everything I had into him, and he gave me little in return. He constantly told me that I didn’t have high enough goals in life – that I was going to be a failure. He was right – the only goal I really had was for him to love me I wanted him to. This really didn’t make him a bad person - he was, of course, a teenage boy who, at the time, wasn’t really interested in maintaining a serious relationship but more interested in himself and what was going on in his life. After dating for over three years, two of those long distantly, he broke up with after he graduated from prep school on our ten hour trip back home to Maine. I was mortified and confused. I felt like I had done so much to keep us going, and I was a failure because – as he told me – he never “really was in love with me – he just didn’t want to break up with me because he thought he would hurt me…” Looking back on it – I would have been a lot better off if he had ended it long, long ago. I lost a part of me that day we broke up that I will never get back. I guess I don’t really know exactly what it was; I just know that a part of me died that day. I just didn’t understand why God would punish me for loving and caring for someone so much – that he would make me feel so dead inside. What did I do wrong? What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I be, or become the person Tim wanted me to be. Little did I know that I was learning a very important lesson in life – I had to love myself before I could love anyone else.
I met Kevin in April of 2000 at the airport where I worked. I had a boyfriend (Tim) and he had a girlfriend. We became instant friends when we both found out that we both had a strong love for basketball – I knew at that moment that there was something very special about Kevin – I just couldn’t put my finger on it. When Tim and I broke up in May of 2000, Kevin stopped coming to the airport. I didn’t think much about it, and I dated here and there always wondering where Kevin was. Finally, in the fall of 2000, I saw him again. We decided to make plans to hang out and get to know each other. I knew that he had no interest in me really as a girlfriend because a mutual friend had told me that he detested smoking. There was no way I was going to give up anything for a guy again – so I decided at that moment that Kevin would be just a fun friend. I wasn’t going to put any time into anything because, as my friend had said, it probably wouldn’t work out between us. Kevin and I started hanging out, and some nights, I would drive to Wal-Mart where he worked overnights to visit him. Sure, after a while I was very interested in him – but he was so much unlike any guy I had ever met. He was sweet, generous, funny, and kind. He would always comment that I was a lot of fun to hang out with, which made me feel important. One night – me, Kevin and a couple of mutual friends went to Denny’s to have a midnight meal – Kevin whipped out some tickets and asked me if I wanted to go to a hockey game. “Sure,” I commented. “I think that would be fun for all of us…” “Weeeeellll,” he staggered, “I only have two tickets and I want you to go with me.” I blushed. Was Kevin asking me out on a date? This was the best moment of my life. For once, I felt like I was the center of a guy’s attention and I really didn’t have to try to get it. He seemed to like me for whom I was – and that made me feel incredible. Finally I had met someone that I felt I didn’t have to try so hard to make them like me. He made me feel that I didn’t have to change anything about myself – my weight, my clothing, my friends, my job or my way of life. He, unknowing at the time, was giving me the freedom to love myself. However, after dating someone like Tim for so long – I didn’t know how to react to this attention. Our relationship suffered for the first year – but Kevin stuck through. He eventually asked me to marry him – and told me that I was the best thing that could ever happen to him. I thought he was crazy, after all I just couldn’t appreciate the way he treated me – especially after I had gone so long being ignored.
Neither Tim, nor Kevin had it completely right – or wrong. In the early stages of Kevin and my relationship I tried to push him away – almost like Tim did to me. It seemed that the shoe had been placed on the other foot, so to speak. Sometimes I would find myself saying things to Kevin that Tim had said to me so many times – hurtful things. I spent too much time wondering what I had done wrong in my past relationship and not enough time paying attention what was going on in my current one. I finally decided to tell Kevin why I acted the way I did. I told him everything – the pain, the suffering; the good times and the bad. I dwelled too much on the bad things that happened in my relationship with Tim, and couldn’t – for the life of me – remember a time when we were happy. I felt like I had wasted three years of my life on someone that had no effect on my life. Finally a friend put things into perspective – don’t think about anything you did in your life as a waste – but as a lesson to help you move further into life. These horrible things that happen in your life will make you the person you are to become. Sometimes you can take the things you learn, and help someone else that is in a similar situation. I decided to try to stop living my life in the past – and dwell on the things that I did or didn’t do – and lift my head towards the future. The future was brighter and bigger than I ever could have expected.
I am eager to finish the book – The Five People You Meet in Heaven – to see if Eddie, the main character, ever discovers in his travels through heaven the things that I have discovered in writing a simple essay. There are people who come and go in your life – and what people need to do is understand that there is a lesson to learn from every person that enters into their world. It could be as simple as talking to a friend or as difficult as going through a bad relationship. As my grandmother always said – When god closes a door, he opens a window. Maybe someday I will finally peer though that window and find what is offered on the other side.
posted by Nikki at 1:47 AM
0 comments
Contrast Essay
I am currently reading a book entitled The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom and it has really gotten me to think about my life and the people that have entwined into it. There are many people that come and go in your life that have impacted it more than you may be aware of. Although I have not finished the book yet – it has really gotten me thinking about not only the people that I may have impacted through my 25 years on earth – but the people that have impacted me. I could go on and on how my parents, grandparents and best friends have directly impacted my life – but to narrow it down, I can think of two people that have directly affected my life and made me the person that I am today: My husband, Kevin and my ex-boyfriend who I will call Tim.
I met Tim the summer before my senior year and it was infatuation from the beginning. It was strange because I had never felt the way I had felt when I was with him – and I had never spent as much time with a guy as I had with Tim. I was so into Tim that I thought maybe I could change him – maybe he would stop doing the drugs that he did and stop doing some of the illegal stuff he did as well if I was a bigger part of his life. My friends would tell me that he did not date me exclusively – but I would just assure them that they were getting the wrong information. I poured everything I had into him, and he gave me little in return. He constantly told me that I didn’t have high enough goals in life – that I was going to be a failure. He was right – the only goal I really had was for him to love me I wanted him to. This really didn’t make him a bad person - he was, of course, a teenage boy who, at the time, wasn’t really interested in maintaining a serious relationship but more interested in himself and what was going on in his life. After dating for over three years, two of those long distantly, he broke up with after he graduated from prep school on our ten hour trip back home to Maine. I was mortified and confused. I felt like I had done so much to keep us going, and I was a failure because – as he told me – he never “really was in love with me – he just didn’t want to break up with me because he thought he would hurt me…” Looking back on it – I would have been a lot better off if he had ended it long, long ago. I lost a part of me that day we broke up that I will never get back. I guess I don’t really know exactly what it was; I just know that a part of me died that day. I just didn’t understand why God would punish me for loving and caring for someone so much – that he would make me feel so dead inside. What did I do wrong? What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I be, or become the person Tim wanted me to be. Little did I know that I was learning a very important lesson in life – I had to love myself before I could love anyone else.
I met Kevin in April of 2000 at the airport where I worked. I had a boyfriend (Tim) and he had a girlfriend. We became instant friends when we both found out that we both had a strong love for basketball – I knew at that moment that there was something very special about Kevin – I just couldn’t put my finger on it. When Tim and I broke up in May of 2000, Kevin stopped coming to the airport. I didn’t think much about it, and I dated here and there always wondering where Kevin was. Finally, in the fall of 2000, I saw him again. We decided to make plans to hang out and get to know each other. I knew that he had no interest in me really as a girlfriend because a mutual friend had told me that he detested smoking. There was no way I was going to give up anything for a guy again – so I decided at that moment that Kevin would be just a fun friend. I wasn’t going to put any time into anything because, as my friend had said, it probably wouldn’t work out between us. Kevin and I started hanging out, and some nights, I would drive to Wal-Mart where he worked overnights to visit him. Sure, after a while I was very interested in him – but he was so much unlike any guy I had ever met. He was sweet, generous, funny, and kind. He would always comment that I was a lot of fun to hang out with, which made me feel important. One night – me, Kevin and a couple of mutual friends went to Denny’s to have a midnight meal – Kevin whipped out some tickets and asked me if I wanted to go to a hockey game. “Sure,” I commented. “I think that would be fun for all of us…” “Weeeeellll,” he staggered, “I only have two tickets and I want you to go with me.” I blushed. Was Kevin asking me out on a date? This was the best moment of my life. For once, I felt like I was the center of a guy’s attention and I really didn’t have to try to get it. He seemed to like me for whom I was – and that made me feel incredible. Finally I had met someone that I felt I didn’t have to try so hard to make them like me. He made me feel that I didn’t have to change anything about myself – my weight, my clothing, my friends, my job or my way of life. He, unknowing at the time, was giving me the freedom to love myself. However, after dating someone like Tim for so long – I didn’t know how to react to this attention. Our relationship suffered for the first year – but Kevin stuck through. He eventually asked me to marry him – and told me that I was the best thing that could ever happen to him. I thought he was crazy, after all I just couldn’t appreciate the way he treated me – especially after I had gone so long being ignored.
Neither Tim, nor Kevin had it completely right – or wrong. In the early stages of Kevin and my relationship I tried to push him away – almost like Tim did to me. It seemed that the shoe had been placed on the other foot, so to speak. Sometimes I would find myself saying things to Kevin that Tim had said to me so many times – hurtful things. I spent too much time wondering what I had done wrong in my past relationship and not enough time paying attention what was going on in my current one. I finally decided to tell Kevin why I acted the way I did. I told him everything – the pain, the suffering; the good times and the bad. I dwelled too much on the bad things that happened in my relationship with Tim, and couldn’t – for the life of me – remember a time when we were happy. I felt like I had wasted three years of my life on someone that had no effect on my life. Finally a friend put things into perspective – don’t think about anything you did in your life as a waste – but as a lesson to help you move further into life. These horrible things that happen in your life will make you the person you are to become. Sometimes you can take the things you learn, and help someone else that is in a similar situation. I decided to try to stop living my life in the past – and dwell on the things that I did or didn’t do – and lift my head towards the future. The future was brighter and bigger than I ever could have expected.
I am eager to finish the book – The Five People You Meet in Heaven – to see if Eddie, the main character, ever discovers in his travels through heaven the things that I have discovered in writing a simple essay. There are people who come and go in your life – and what people need to do is understand that there is a lesson to learn from every person that enters into their world. It could be as simple as talking to a friend or as difficult as going through a bad relationship. As my grandmother always said – When god closes a door, he opens a window. Maybe someday I will finally peer though that window and find what is offered on the other side.
I met Tim the summer before my senior year and it was infatuation from the beginning. It was strange because I had never felt the way I had felt when I was with him – and I had never spent as much time with a guy as I had with Tim. I was so into Tim that I thought maybe I could change him – maybe he would stop doing the drugs that he did and stop doing some of the illegal stuff he did as well if I was a bigger part of his life. My friends would tell me that he did not date me exclusively – but I would just assure them that they were getting the wrong information. I poured everything I had into him, and he gave me little in return. He constantly told me that I didn’t have high enough goals in life – that I was going to be a failure. He was right – the only goal I really had was for him to love me I wanted him to. This really didn’t make him a bad person - he was, of course, a teenage boy who, at the time, wasn’t really interested in maintaining a serious relationship but more interested in himself and what was going on in his life. After dating for over three years, two of those long distantly, he broke up with after he graduated from prep school on our ten hour trip back home to Maine. I was mortified and confused. I felt like I had done so much to keep us going, and I was a failure because – as he told me – he never “really was in love with me – he just didn’t want to break up with me because he thought he would hurt me…” Looking back on it – I would have been a lot better off if he had ended it long, long ago. I lost a part of me that day we broke up that I will never get back. I guess I don’t really know exactly what it was; I just know that a part of me died that day. I just didn’t understand why God would punish me for loving and caring for someone so much – that he would make me feel so dead inside. What did I do wrong? What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I be, or become the person Tim wanted me to be. Little did I know that I was learning a very important lesson in life – I had to love myself before I could love anyone else.
I met Kevin in April of 2000 at the airport where I worked. I had a boyfriend (Tim) and he had a girlfriend. We became instant friends when we both found out that we both had a strong love for basketball – I knew at that moment that there was something very special about Kevin – I just couldn’t put my finger on it. When Tim and I broke up in May of 2000, Kevin stopped coming to the airport. I didn’t think much about it, and I dated here and there always wondering where Kevin was. Finally, in the fall of 2000, I saw him again. We decided to make plans to hang out and get to know each other. I knew that he had no interest in me really as a girlfriend because a mutual friend had told me that he detested smoking. There was no way I was going to give up anything for a guy again – so I decided at that moment that Kevin would be just a fun friend. I wasn’t going to put any time into anything because, as my friend had said, it probably wouldn’t work out between us. Kevin and I started hanging out, and some nights, I would drive to Wal-Mart where he worked overnights to visit him. Sure, after a while I was very interested in him – but he was so much unlike any guy I had ever met. He was sweet, generous, funny, and kind. He would always comment that I was a lot of fun to hang out with, which made me feel important. One night – me, Kevin and a couple of mutual friends went to Denny’s to have a midnight meal – Kevin whipped out some tickets and asked me if I wanted to go to a hockey game. “Sure,” I commented. “I think that would be fun for all of us…” “Weeeeellll,” he staggered, “I only have two tickets and I want you to go with me.” I blushed. Was Kevin asking me out on a date? This was the best moment of my life. For once, I felt like I was the center of a guy’s attention and I really didn’t have to try to get it. He seemed to like me for whom I was – and that made me feel incredible. Finally I had met someone that I felt I didn’t have to try so hard to make them like me. He made me feel that I didn’t have to change anything about myself – my weight, my clothing, my friends, my job or my way of life. He, unknowing at the time, was giving me the freedom to love myself. However, after dating someone like Tim for so long – I didn’t know how to react to this attention. Our relationship suffered for the first year – but Kevin stuck through. He eventually asked me to marry him – and told me that I was the best thing that could ever happen to him. I thought he was crazy, after all I just couldn’t appreciate the way he treated me – especially after I had gone so long being ignored.
Neither Tim, nor Kevin had it completely right – or wrong. In the early stages of Kevin and my relationship I tried to push him away – almost like Tim did to me. It seemed that the shoe had been placed on the other foot, so to speak. Sometimes I would find myself saying things to Kevin that Tim had said to me so many times – hurtful things. I spent too much time wondering what I had done wrong in my past relationship and not enough time paying attention what was going on in my current one. I finally decided to tell Kevin why I acted the way I did. I told him everything – the pain, the suffering; the good times and the bad. I dwelled too much on the bad things that happened in my relationship with Tim, and couldn’t – for the life of me – remember a time when we were happy. I felt like I had wasted three years of my life on someone that had no effect on my life. Finally a friend put things into perspective – don’t think about anything you did in your life as a waste – but as a lesson to help you move further into life. These horrible things that happen in your life will make you the person you are to become. Sometimes you can take the things you learn, and help someone else that is in a similar situation. I decided to try to stop living my life in the past – and dwell on the things that I did or didn’t do – and lift my head towards the future. The future was brighter and bigger than I ever could have expected.
I am eager to finish the book – The Five People You Meet in Heaven – to see if Eddie, the main character, ever discovers in his travels through heaven the things that I have discovered in writing a simple essay. There are people who come and go in your life – and what people need to do is understand that there is a lesson to learn from every person that enters into their world. It could be as simple as talking to a friend or as difficult as going through a bad relationship. As my grandmother always said – When god closes a door, he opens a window. Maybe someday I will finally peer though that window and find what is offered on the other side.
posted by Nikki at 1:47 AM
0 comments
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
A Quarter of a Century ago...
Well, it's finally here. I am now a quarter of a century old. Last night, my mom called me at work to wish me a happy birthay (early) because she knew I wouldn't be up when she went to work. It's kind of cheesy - but I miss the times when we were little celebrating birthdays. I miss my mom coming into my room, waking me up at 7 AM (about the time I was born) singing happy birthday to me and giving me breakfast in bed. It didn't matter what was going on (except for my 16th birthday), she always did something special. There of course there was always the birthday parties - big celebrations with all of my friends at the rollerskating rink, bowling alley or in my grandmother's garage that was heated.
Last night my mom told me about the day I was born. She told me a story how the day before my birth, she had worked a full 12 hour shift. She was working at Mars which was a discount store, kind of like KMart or Ames which I don't really remember. The next morning she decided to do laundry - and her water broke. Thinking she could still finish another load, she did so, when I began to come - fast. She got my dad and my sister out of bed and they trucked it to the hospital where my mom told my dad if he stopped at another stop sign, she wouldn't talk to him again. My sister was eleven and was really excited to have a sister - or a brother which is what my mom thought she was having. My name was already picked out - Justin Nicholas (I even have a couple christmas ornaments that say - "Merry First Christmas Justin" on them becuase my mom felt so strongly that I was a boy). When my family finally reached the hospital - James A. Taylor in Bangor which is now what everyone knows as Acadia (don't get any ideas - this place was here way before Acadia...but sometimes people tease me and say "So that's why you are so crazy!") but when they got there, the doors were locked. Finally they found someone and got my mom in where she gave birth to me in under ten minutes. When my dad called my mom's work to tell them that she wouldn't be coming to work they said - "Wow, Bev has never called in sick - is she okay?" - even thought he person on the other end was a little slow, my dad chuckled and said "No - she just gave birth to the most beautiful girl...her name is Nicole Lynn - and she is perfect." When my mom told me this, it brought a smile to my face and it was cute to hear the story, even though I had heard it many times before - it just gets better every year.
I was in 8th grade when my mom finally agreed to let me have a boy - girl birthday dance party. I was psyched. I invited about 20 people and they all showed up - everyone :) One of my best friends at the time, Mike Arsenault, was throwing brownies everywhere - which - we didn't have to worry about messing stuff up because the party was in my grandmother's garage. Now - I know you are thinking - a garage? However, my Nan (as I like to call her) kept her garage immaculate. She even swept it out every couple of days - even in the winter. Plus it was heated - which was very nice for a December birthday.My family had decorated it with white christmas lights and streamers - it was the best.
When they brought out my cake, and I went to cut into it, it wouldn't cut. I couldn't understand it because I thought maybe it was just an ice cream cake which was hard to cut into - but it turns out, it was cardboard (my grandfather's idea). We all decided at that moment that it would be really fun if we had a frosting fight. Everyone left that night with frosting everywhere. I guess my birthday was also very special because that is when I got my first kiss - ever. It was someone's grand idea to play "spin the bottle" and when the bottle spun - everyone stood up except my friend - Mike. He took me out in back of the garage and gave me my first, real kiss. It was a little weird because he was my friend - but I wouldn't have wanted it to be anyone else...little did I know that my sister and her husband (my sister is 11 years older than me) were spying on me ;)
So - it's another year. 25. It's suppose to be a landmark I guess. However, for me - it means I am no longer a kid. For some reason, I feel like I am now grown up - which kind of sucks and I am having a pretty hard time with it. Plus, it doesn't help that this year, my family is unable to have a family birthday party because people are so busy. I guess that comes with the territory of being 25. So, unlike birthdays in the past - today is just another day....
Last night my mom told me about the day I was born. She told me a story how the day before my birth, she had worked a full 12 hour shift. She was working at Mars which was a discount store, kind of like KMart or Ames which I don't really remember. The next morning she decided to do laundry - and her water broke. Thinking she could still finish another load, she did so, when I began to come - fast. She got my dad and my sister out of bed and they trucked it to the hospital where my mom told my dad if he stopped at another stop sign, she wouldn't talk to him again. My sister was eleven and was really excited to have a sister - or a brother which is what my mom thought she was having. My name was already picked out - Justin Nicholas (I even have a couple christmas ornaments that say - "Merry First Christmas Justin" on them becuase my mom felt so strongly that I was a boy). When my family finally reached the hospital - James A. Taylor in Bangor which is now what everyone knows as Acadia (don't get any ideas - this place was here way before Acadia...but sometimes people tease me and say "So that's why you are so crazy!") but when they got there, the doors were locked. Finally they found someone and got my mom in where she gave birth to me in under ten minutes. When my dad called my mom's work to tell them that she wouldn't be coming to work they said - "Wow, Bev has never called in sick - is she okay?" - even thought he person on the other end was a little slow, my dad chuckled and said "No - she just gave birth to the most beautiful girl...her name is Nicole Lynn - and she is perfect." When my mom told me this, it brought a smile to my face and it was cute to hear the story, even though I had heard it many times before - it just gets better every year.
I was in 8th grade when my mom finally agreed to let me have a boy - girl birthday dance party. I was psyched. I invited about 20 people and they all showed up - everyone :) One of my best friends at the time, Mike Arsenault, was throwing brownies everywhere - which - we didn't have to worry about messing stuff up because the party was in my grandmother's garage. Now - I know you are thinking - a garage? However, my Nan (as I like to call her) kept her garage immaculate. She even swept it out every couple of days - even in the winter. Plus it was heated - which was very nice for a December birthday.My family had decorated it with white christmas lights and streamers - it was the best.
When they brought out my cake, and I went to cut into it, it wouldn't cut. I couldn't understand it because I thought maybe it was just an ice cream cake which was hard to cut into - but it turns out, it was cardboard (my grandfather's idea). We all decided at that moment that it would be really fun if we had a frosting fight. Everyone left that night with frosting everywhere. I guess my birthday was also very special because that is when I got my first kiss - ever. It was someone's grand idea to play "spin the bottle" and when the bottle spun - everyone stood up except my friend - Mike. He took me out in back of the garage and gave me my first, real kiss. It was a little weird because he was my friend - but I wouldn't have wanted it to be anyone else...little did I know that my sister and her husband (my sister is 11 years older than me) were spying on me ;)
So - it's another year. 25. It's suppose to be a landmark I guess. However, for me - it means I am no longer a kid. For some reason, I feel like I am now grown up - which kind of sucks and I am having a pretty hard time with it. Plus, it doesn't help that this year, my family is unable to have a family birthday party because people are so busy. I guess that comes with the territory of being 25. So, unlike birthdays in the past - today is just another day....
posted by Nikki at 1:37 PM
1 comments
Previous Posts
- I HAVE MOVED!!
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- Contrast Essay
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