Admitting is the first step...

So I have to admit...I had a pretty good blog entry on here - but at the last moment, I decided it was a little too personal to post. So - I deleted it. Once again, it is rounding 5 AM and I am still up - writing. I have to say though, I have gotten used to it - and tomorrow I don't have an 11 am class (it's at 1) so hopefully I will manage to get my ass up, out of bed, and on the road in time.

So, I was browsing through napster, I never downloaded the new version after I got really pissed at Metallica for creating such a fuss. I loved the old napster - and I say this after I crashed my last computer with over 5,000 songs - that was before it was illegal to download them for free. So, now I pay for them. $1 seems pretty expensive though - it would be a lot cooler if they were like ten cents a piece - then not as many people would enfringe copyright laws...I'm telling you - I could start a revolution. AND - the artists would get paid and they can quit their whining. This is my opinion now, and like the TV host early in the morning would say - "we welcome yours" - or maybe not.

So, I am sitting here, listening to 90's alternative - bands like Cake, Sponge, Pearl Jam, Better Than Ezra, The Eels and Nirvana - whoa. Brings back a ton of memories. I love it. It has put me in a happier mood - and that is why I think I decided to delete the last post - just because it was deep, maybe too deep - and I think I have gotten past that point in my life and there is no need to drudge it all up again, you know what I mean?

Anyway, listening this much makes me think of simpler days - Days haning out with my friends - going on drives with my best friend Brooke to places unknown - getting lost and then finding our way back again. Wearing flannel shirts with jeans (ripped, comfortable J Crew jeans - 75 dollar jeans that were later stolen in Presque Isle when we went up to play them in basketball - assholes). Ahh...it was during that year that My So Called Life came out - and I am telling you - that was pretty acurate. My mom even enjoyed watching it because she could really relate - and it was something we could watch together (she would say) - I just was in love with Jordan Catalano...he was pretty hot.

This music reminds me of the fun times, the carefree times when all I had to really worry about was getting up in time for my paper route and not wearing the same jeans, or top in the same week. Times of skipping lunch with Brooke going into the architectual drawing class going "online" which was the coolest. Taking photography class and taking pictures of everything (which I still have, I loved photography - maybe I will take it again...someday). Memories of going to my first formal dance and getting all dressed up. Summers spent at my neighborhood park listening to Dave Matthew's song Satellite wondering if maybe, some night, we would see a UFO. I really, truly miss those days. The days when KFC had cornbread and Wendy's had Chicken Caesar pitas...ahhhh. Days when my friends would spend the night and the boys of the neighborhood would come over and knock on the window - we would never sneak out of course - but we would talk to them through the screen, giggling until my parents would yell to us to wind down. They never minded - I think it's beacause they trusted us - and to be honest, there was nothing really not to trust - we were good kids.

So here's to the 90's. And, of course, that music that always brings me back and makes me want to order a green and navy blue flannel from LL Bean...