Contrast Essay
I am currently reading a book entitled The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom and it has really gotten me to think about my life and the people that have entwined into it. There are many people that come and go in your life that have impacted it more than you may be aware of. Although I have not finished the book yet – it has really gotten me thinking about not only the people that I may have impacted through my 25 years on earth – but the people that have impacted me. I could go on and on how my parents, grandparents and best friends have directly impacted my life – but to narrow it down, I can think of two people that have directly affected my life and made me the person that I am today: My husband, Kevin and my ex-boyfriend who I will call Tim.
I met Tim the summer before my senior year and it was infatuation from the beginning. It was strange because I had never felt the way I had felt when I was with him – and I had never spent as much time with a guy as I had with Tim. I was so into Tim that I thought maybe I could change him – maybe he would stop doing the drugs that he did and stop doing some of the illegal stuff he did as well if I was a bigger part of his life. My friends would tell me that he did not date me exclusively – but I would just assure them that they were getting the wrong information. I poured everything I had into him, and he gave me little in return. He constantly told me that I didn’t have high enough goals in life – that I was going to be a failure. He was right – the only goal I really had was for him to love me I wanted him to. This really didn’t make him a bad person - he was, of course, a teenage boy who, at the time, wasn’t really interested in maintaining a serious relationship but more interested in himself and what was going on in his life. After dating for over three years, two of those long distantly, he broke up with after he graduated from prep school on our ten hour trip back home to Maine. I was mortified and confused. I felt like I had done so much to keep us going, and I was a failure because – as he told me – he never “really was in love with me – he just didn’t want to break up with me because he thought he would hurt me…” Looking back on it – I would have been a lot better off if he had ended it long, long ago. I lost a part of me that day we broke up that I will never get back. I guess I don’t really know exactly what it was; I just know that a part of me died that day. I just didn’t understand why God would punish me for loving and caring for someone so much – that he would make me feel so dead inside. What did I do wrong? What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I be, or become the person Tim wanted me to be. Little did I know that I was learning a very important lesson in life – I had to love myself before I could love anyone else.
I met Kevin in April of 2000 at the airport where I worked. I had a boyfriend (Tim) and he had a girlfriend. We became instant friends when we both found out that we both had a strong love for basketball – I knew at that moment that there was something very special about Kevin – I just couldn’t put my finger on it. When Tim and I broke up in May of 2000, Kevin stopped coming to the airport. I didn’t think much about it, and I dated here and there always wondering where Kevin was. Finally, in the fall of 2000, I saw him again. We decided to make plans to hang out and get to know each other. I knew that he had no interest in me really as a girlfriend because a mutual friend had told me that he detested smoking. There was no way I was going to give up anything for a guy again – so I decided at that moment that Kevin would be just a fun friend. I wasn’t going to put any time into anything because, as my friend had said, it probably wouldn’t work out between us. Kevin and I started hanging out, and some nights, I would drive to Wal-Mart where he worked overnights to visit him. Sure, after a while I was very interested in him – but he was so much unlike any guy I had ever met. He was sweet, generous, funny, and kind. He would always comment that I was a lot of fun to hang out with, which made me feel important. One night – me, Kevin and a couple of mutual friends went to Denny’s to have a midnight meal – Kevin whipped out some tickets and asked me if I wanted to go to a hockey game. “Sure,” I commented. “I think that would be fun for all of us…” “Weeeeellll,” he staggered, “I only have two tickets and I want you to go with me.” I blushed. Was Kevin asking me out on a date? This was the best moment of my life. For once, I felt like I was the center of a guy’s attention and I really didn’t have to try to get it. He seemed to like me for whom I was – and that made me feel incredible. Finally I had met someone that I felt I didn’t have to try so hard to make them like me. He made me feel that I didn’t have to change anything about myself – my weight, my clothing, my friends, my job or my way of life. He, unknowing at the time, was giving me the freedom to love myself. However, after dating someone like Tim for so long – I didn’t know how to react to this attention. Our relationship suffered for the first year – but Kevin stuck through. He eventually asked me to marry him – and told me that I was the best thing that could ever happen to him. I thought he was crazy, after all I just couldn’t appreciate the way he treated me – especially after I had gone so long being ignored.
Neither Tim, nor Kevin had it completely right – or wrong. In the early stages of Kevin and my relationship I tried to push him away – almost like Tim did to me. It seemed that the shoe had been placed on the other foot, so to speak. Sometimes I would find myself saying things to Kevin that Tim had said to me so many times – hurtful things. I spent too much time wondering what I had done wrong in my past relationship and not enough time paying attention what was going on in my current one. I finally decided to tell Kevin why I acted the way I did. I told him everything – the pain, the suffering; the good times and the bad. I dwelled too much on the bad things that happened in my relationship with Tim, and couldn’t – for the life of me – remember a time when we were happy. I felt like I had wasted three years of my life on someone that had no effect on my life. Finally a friend put things into perspective – don’t think about anything you did in your life as a waste – but as a lesson to help you move further into life. These horrible things that happen in your life will make you the person you are to become. Sometimes you can take the things you learn, and help someone else that is in a similar situation. I decided to try to stop living my life in the past – and dwell on the things that I did or didn’t do – and lift my head towards the future. The future was brighter and bigger than I ever could have expected.
I am eager to finish the book – The Five People You Meet in Heaven – to see if Eddie, the main character, ever discovers in his travels through heaven the things that I have discovered in writing a simple essay. There are people who come and go in your life – and what people need to do is understand that there is a lesson to learn from every person that enters into their world. It could be as simple as talking to a friend or as difficult as going through a bad relationship. As my grandmother always said – When god closes a door, he opens a window. Maybe someday I will finally peer though that window and find what is offered on the other side.
I met Tim the summer before my senior year and it was infatuation from the beginning. It was strange because I had never felt the way I had felt when I was with him – and I had never spent as much time with a guy as I had with Tim. I was so into Tim that I thought maybe I could change him – maybe he would stop doing the drugs that he did and stop doing some of the illegal stuff he did as well if I was a bigger part of his life. My friends would tell me that he did not date me exclusively – but I would just assure them that they were getting the wrong information. I poured everything I had into him, and he gave me little in return. He constantly told me that I didn’t have high enough goals in life – that I was going to be a failure. He was right – the only goal I really had was for him to love me I wanted him to. This really didn’t make him a bad person - he was, of course, a teenage boy who, at the time, wasn’t really interested in maintaining a serious relationship but more interested in himself and what was going on in his life. After dating for over three years, two of those long distantly, he broke up with after he graduated from prep school on our ten hour trip back home to Maine. I was mortified and confused. I felt like I had done so much to keep us going, and I was a failure because – as he told me – he never “really was in love with me – he just didn’t want to break up with me because he thought he would hurt me…” Looking back on it – I would have been a lot better off if he had ended it long, long ago. I lost a part of me that day we broke up that I will never get back. I guess I don’t really know exactly what it was; I just know that a part of me died that day. I just didn’t understand why God would punish me for loving and caring for someone so much – that he would make me feel so dead inside. What did I do wrong? What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I be, or become the person Tim wanted me to be. Little did I know that I was learning a very important lesson in life – I had to love myself before I could love anyone else.
I met Kevin in April of 2000 at the airport where I worked. I had a boyfriend (Tim) and he had a girlfriend. We became instant friends when we both found out that we both had a strong love for basketball – I knew at that moment that there was something very special about Kevin – I just couldn’t put my finger on it. When Tim and I broke up in May of 2000, Kevin stopped coming to the airport. I didn’t think much about it, and I dated here and there always wondering where Kevin was. Finally, in the fall of 2000, I saw him again. We decided to make plans to hang out and get to know each other. I knew that he had no interest in me really as a girlfriend because a mutual friend had told me that he detested smoking. There was no way I was going to give up anything for a guy again – so I decided at that moment that Kevin would be just a fun friend. I wasn’t going to put any time into anything because, as my friend had said, it probably wouldn’t work out between us. Kevin and I started hanging out, and some nights, I would drive to Wal-Mart where he worked overnights to visit him. Sure, after a while I was very interested in him – but he was so much unlike any guy I had ever met. He was sweet, generous, funny, and kind. He would always comment that I was a lot of fun to hang out with, which made me feel important. One night – me, Kevin and a couple of mutual friends went to Denny’s to have a midnight meal – Kevin whipped out some tickets and asked me if I wanted to go to a hockey game. “Sure,” I commented. “I think that would be fun for all of us…” “Weeeeellll,” he staggered, “I only have two tickets and I want you to go with me.” I blushed. Was Kevin asking me out on a date? This was the best moment of my life. For once, I felt like I was the center of a guy’s attention and I really didn’t have to try to get it. He seemed to like me for whom I was – and that made me feel incredible. Finally I had met someone that I felt I didn’t have to try so hard to make them like me. He made me feel that I didn’t have to change anything about myself – my weight, my clothing, my friends, my job or my way of life. He, unknowing at the time, was giving me the freedom to love myself. However, after dating someone like Tim for so long – I didn’t know how to react to this attention. Our relationship suffered for the first year – but Kevin stuck through. He eventually asked me to marry him – and told me that I was the best thing that could ever happen to him. I thought he was crazy, after all I just couldn’t appreciate the way he treated me – especially after I had gone so long being ignored.
Neither Tim, nor Kevin had it completely right – or wrong. In the early stages of Kevin and my relationship I tried to push him away – almost like Tim did to me. It seemed that the shoe had been placed on the other foot, so to speak. Sometimes I would find myself saying things to Kevin that Tim had said to me so many times – hurtful things. I spent too much time wondering what I had done wrong in my past relationship and not enough time paying attention what was going on in my current one. I finally decided to tell Kevin why I acted the way I did. I told him everything – the pain, the suffering; the good times and the bad. I dwelled too much on the bad things that happened in my relationship with Tim, and couldn’t – for the life of me – remember a time when we were happy. I felt like I had wasted three years of my life on someone that had no effect on my life. Finally a friend put things into perspective – don’t think about anything you did in your life as a waste – but as a lesson to help you move further into life. These horrible things that happen in your life will make you the person you are to become. Sometimes you can take the things you learn, and help someone else that is in a similar situation. I decided to try to stop living my life in the past – and dwell on the things that I did or didn’t do – and lift my head towards the future. The future was brighter and bigger than I ever could have expected.
I am eager to finish the book – The Five People You Meet in Heaven – to see if Eddie, the main character, ever discovers in his travels through heaven the things that I have discovered in writing a simple essay. There are people who come and go in your life – and what people need to do is understand that there is a lesson to learn from every person that enters into their world. It could be as simple as talking to a friend or as difficult as going through a bad relationship. As my grandmother always said – When god closes a door, he opens a window. Maybe someday I will finally peer though that window and find what is offered on the other side.
posted by Nikki at 1:47 AM
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